I'm a messy person. Not literally speaking; despite what my fiance would tell you, I am actually pretty neat and orderly. Or perhaps I have what you may call "organized clutter..." but that's beside the point. By messy, I mean I make a lot of mistakes. I type the word mistake with a great deal of trepidation because I truly don't view them that way. They're not regrets either, really, but as of now Webster's has yet to think of another word for it, so I will refer to them as mistakes (blah!).
All of the mistakes in my life, all of the lies I told to myself and others, all of the people I hurt in the process of trying to lose myself or trying to find myself or maybe just forgetting who I was at all, a part of me wishes I could undo each and every one and avoid the hurt that I caused. But why would I even think to do that? What's the point of dwelling and ruminating on the idea of erasing something that is so incredibly permanent?
I can't go back. I can't change anything I've done years ago, months ago, or even moments ago. What I am left with, after 22 years of falling flat on my face, is a whole lot of memories and stories and moral lessons to learn from. And, starting just a couple months ago, I felt that I needed to share those lessons - the ones I learned the hard way. Hence: this blog. For a short time, I felt like this may all be yet another mistake. I worried that nobody would care what the hell a sociology-trained, latte-making, middle class, word-nerd from Beulah, ND would have to say regarding love, life, or really... anything. I'm sure that, to an extent, that is true. Some people do not give two shits. But those who do care, the people who take the time to read each post (no matter how lengthy or rambling it may be), the ones who leave me comments and the ones who have written me some of the sweetest, heartfelt messages I have ever read, this blog continues because you have made me feel like my words have meaning and that my thoughts have value. I wanted to know that what I say and what I think really matter. I truly feel that now. Thank you.
I have concluded that starting this blog was in no way a mistake. That's not the case with other decisions I have made. Some were undeniably irrational, impulsive, and... well, stupid. In a feeble attempt at saving people from making the same mistakes (ugh!) that I have, I compiled a list of advice that I would give to a younger version of myself... this girl. Right here. The one who thought she knew everything there was to know.
She was very wrong. She didn't know everything.. not even close. And now, in hopes that even one person may make a better choice than I did in certain situations, I am sharing the same advice with you.
1. Whenever you give a hug - do it 100%. A hug should come directly from the heart. I can feel a half ass hug. They can feel it. Let's not waste each other's time. Hug the right way or don't do it at all.
2. When a true friend asks you to go to a movie, to dinner, to the mall.. hell, even to the dumpster.. and you have nothing going on otherwise: go. You will only regret it if you don't.
3. When somebody tells you that they love you and they're looking you square in the eye - believe them.
4. Don't perm your hair. Trust.
5. Give a dollar or two to the homeless man on the street corner. Don't fall for it when people say, "That guy makes more money in a day than I do in a week." Life is too short to be that cynical.
6. Forgive. Enemies and otherwise.
7. Don't pop your zits. They'll scar. In fact, try not to touch your face unless you're washing it.
8. Don't toy with people's emotions. Don't manipulate words. Don't accuse.
9. When you're standing next to a bigger person than yourself, don't say that you're fat. In fact, don't say you're fat at all. Ever. Because you're not.
10. When your dad asks you to go fishing, don't hesitate. Say yes. Leave your phone at home.
11. Don't gossip. But, if you must, don't do it in a small town.
12. When you're still living at home, even if you're completely wasted, nearly passed out in the middle of a wheat field in the middle of nowhere, don't ignore your parents' phone calls. I can assure you that knowing you're drunk but alive beats the idea of the alternative any day of the week.
13. Don't curse your freckles, your scars, or your big legs. Those are your mom's freckles. Those are the scars that saved your life. Those are strong Wold legs. Be thankful for the body you have. It carries you where you need to go. Treat it right.
14. When you miss someone... call them.
15. Don't keep too many secrets. They make you bitter.
16. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep.
17. If somebody tells a joke that you find offensive, call them out. Don't laugh because everyone else does. Stand up for people, especially if they're not there to defend themselves.
18. Make more time for your family.
19. Don't trust anybody who calls you baby within hours of meeting you. That's not cute, it's creepy. No they cannot put their number in your phone. Your number is 701 - Hell No.
20. You're smarter than you think you are. Don't be so damn hard on yourself.
21. Don't count calories, points, carbs - count the number of ingredients in your food. If you can't say it, you probably shouldn't be eating it. Research where your food comes from. Grow your own vegetables.
22. Do something you love, whether or not you think you have time for it. Some of the best memories you will ever have of being alone are the times when you sat on the kitchen floor painting canvases in your pajamas.
23. Be okay with being the funny friend. Looks fade. Humor rarely does.
24. Compliment people. Genuine compliments. Not, "I love your hair!" Tell people what you truly love about them, not the way they look.
25. Don't expect others to read your mind. If somebody makes you angry, say it. If something hurt your feelings, express why.
26. You are not a one-woman army. Everybody needs help sometimes. It is completely okay to ask for help.
27. Go home more.
28. Let me save you hundreds on medical bills in the future - don't let your boyfriend crack your neck. He has no idea what he's doing.
29. Dream so big that it gives you the butterflies just thinking about it. Those are the only dreams worth having.
30. Put your hand on your chest. Feel that heart beating? That is all the proof you need that you're still here for a reason. Be grateful for every breath. Take advantage of every opportunity to better yourself. Never stop learning. Be proud of your existence.
