Back when I knew everything... (2008)
Written June 12, 2007
Okay - I realize that I, Miss Lauren Jean, am not exactly the greatest expert on relationships. I have had one super-serious on again/off again relationship, two don't-even-count-em elementary boyfriends, one month-long summer fling, and a couple of short lived "relationships" that had more to do with flirtation and sex appeal than anything else. Still I feel the need to divulge any possible wisdom I've gathered over the years so that some innocent girl will not have to learn the hard way that hearts break quickly and deeply. My two cents: take it or leave it.
Lesson #1. Guys can NOT read our minds
As females, we have a tendancy to say things like "Don't worry about it, I'm fine" when we really want to scream "STOP BEING A PRICK AND CALL ME!" In all honestly, it will probably work out better in the end if you just say "Hey, I realize that you have an uber-busy life but just make some time to give me a call." It's easier than you'd think.
Modern update: Call me old fashioned but I think texting is the worst thing to happen to romance and relationships since chat rooms. I started dating my husband right around the time texting became the most common, and most superficial, means of communication in America. My once reasonable request for a guy to simply call is now considered WAY too much to ask. A one or two word text is today considered a legitimate "move." What a sad, twisted world. Being single and decoding man-language was hard enough in the time of MSN Messenger and Facebook. Couple that with texting, Skype, Twitter, and all the cool-kid stuff I don't even know about yet? Chivalry is dead. It was brutally murdered by an iPhone.
So I was wrong. Speaking up and saying, "Please just call" may not be "easier than you'd think." Let's assume he doesn't call you. Maybe he sends you one word responses or forgets to text at all. It could be a mind game. It could be all for the thrill of the chase. But a chase is exhausting, mind games will mess with your sanity, and any man unwilling to spend one minute making you smile isn't worth you dedicating years, let alone seconds, worrying about him. NEXT!!
Lesson #2. Guys (just like girls) MAY cheat
Yes. It sucks. But speaking from a survivor's stand-point - you DO get over it. Yes, it totally blows to think about him hooking up with someone else but if he has the nerve to do that to you, do you even want to waste your time on him? Life's too short to wait around for a guy who can't make up his mind.
Lesson #3. Never sacrifice "Girl Time" in order to hang out with you boyfriend
It can definitely be tempting to watch a movie on the couch with HIM instead of going out with the girls but if and when that relationship with HIM ends, you will be wondering where in the world all of your friendships disappeared to. We've heard it a million times before, but NO GUY is worth losing your friendships.
Lesson #4. Don't fall for the bullshit
Some guys (not ALL but a good percentage) are simply looking for ass. Understandably, they have raging hormones so I geuss they are not completely to blame. I realize that this is totally stereotypical but, from personal experience, I can't help but agree with this popular observation. When guys are "on the prowl" they will say and/or do anything in order to get you where they want you.... if you get what I'm saying. So, when I guy tells you how "beautiful your smile is" or how "sexy you look"... try to look for his true intentions. Don't give in to bullshit because if a guy is really interested, he will be up for the challenge.
Modern update: Geezsh! That was... bold? Though I do agree with the general message I was trying to get across here, I would word it a little differently now. I no longer believe that "a good percentage" of guys are "simply looking for ass." Some? Yes. But the poor fellas are pressured into hyper sexualized behavior by our ridiculous culture of sex-sex-sex and macho man aggression. Nevertheless, I stand by my advice to be careful around the shmoozers. If he calls you baby the first night you meet - run.
Lesson #5. Follow your heart, but let your common sense tag along
Sooner or later in a relationship, you are going to be faced with some definite issues. It might be your friends saying "You deserve SOOO much better" or maybe it's him saying "I just don't know if this is working anymore." Whatever the situation, remember to always go with what's in your heart. I realize that is a pretty corny expression but it really does work. Just ask yourself... what is best for me right now? Take out all of the extra people, all of the drama, and all of the criticizm and just think of yourself. Decisions made with your heart are hardly ever regrets.
Modern update: I applaud you, young Lauren. I admire your gutsiness to speak the truth as you knew it, in that moment, filled with all the emotion and angst that come with being an 18-year-old extrovert. I want to tell you that you're going to follow your own advice, listening to your heart over the opinions and judgments of others, but I won't lie to you. You're going to lose your way. You're going to make decisions that contradict the morals so intricately woven into your soul. And you'll hate that feeling. Your heart and your common sense will be beaten down by an overwhelming sense of "what is expected" or "what will make people happy." You'll struggle with this for the next five years. There will be times when are so lost that you fall to your knees and weep. You'll curse yourself for betraying the core of who you are. But you're human. Remember that everybody loses their way sometimes. You'll read somewhere that, "only once we are lost do we truly find ourselves" and you will know exactly what that means. You may stray from your personal truth. You may get lost on a pedestal that you don't even want to be on. But you'll will always find yourself again.
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